Tell me, are you part of the problem?

I have often found it perplexing that while I am having an engaging, interesting discussion with a Jew who is not seriously or critically participating in Jewish life that he or she will almost always attribute their inability to pursue a life of Torah & Mitzvot to a horror story about an nameless Orthodox Jew or rabbi who did some amazingly rude, abusive or insulting action.

Be it a rabbi who insulted him or an Orthodox woman who cut her off driving. Or perhaps they came across an Orthodox Jew who seemed to be dishonest in business or a rabbi who apparently was rude to a salesperson in the market.

Any number of stories from the simple nasty look to the much more serious abusive husband with a kipa, seem to always rear their ugly head as the reason one person stopped coming to a Shul or another stopped learning Torah or a third decided that it is not so bad to intermarry.

It is not my intent to question if these stories actually happened or perhaps that they might be somewhat over-blown, rather there is one very interesting, perhaps somewhat frightening thread weaving its way through virtually all of these stories.

They all, every one without exception are about "Mitzvot ben adam l'chevro", that is, the Mitzvot of interpersonal relations. Not one story from one person in all of my years ever was, "I left the Shul because the rabbi didn't answer my question, or, the community did not take Kashrut seriously.

The person choosing not to pursue Torah always attributed their decision to how another Jew acted!

Now, let's look at the other side. When you meet an observant Jew, someone who keeps Torah, tries to be a good person, really works at it- ask him or her, "define an Orthodox Jew for me" or "In a nutshell, what is Orthodox Judaism?"

I believe that he or she, for the most part will answer, "a Jew who keeps Shabbat, Kashrut & Mikve" (Sort of the Cardinal Mitzvot of Judaism, if you will). They define a Jew pretty much by those three points.

So, now, let's put this together.

If one asks a Jew who is not observant in an Orthodox fashion why they are not, they will often answer, that it is due to some inappropriate action or comment made by an apparently Orthodox person or rabbi.

However, if you would ask the average Orthodox person to define their belief or what their belief expects, they almost always would answer, "Mitzvot between Gd and man (Shabbat, Kashrut & Mikve)".

Here lies the problem.

They are not prepared to investigate Torah because of how they perceive a Torah Jew was acting and we do not define an Orthodox Jew by how he acts to others, rather as how he acts to Gd!

It's like; Men are from Venus, Women from Mars. We see Torah as our relationship with Gd and they see it as how a person treats another person.

Yes, I am simplifying it. It certainly is not this blatant, but, I bet you have seen this yourself!

Haven't you?

The real question, if now that we know how important the way we treat others is, how essential and fundamental it is, how it is the clearest and strongest deterrent keeping others from finding the beauty of Torah- what are we prepared to do about it?

Are we ready to not prejudge others? Are we prepared to greet everyone? Are we up to acting with discipline and restraint in a public place? Are we prepared to smile, welcome and honestly be glad to meet someone new?

Are we a part of the solution or are we the problem?

Now it is your turn.

Comments?

Rabbi Avram Rothman