Looking back over the past month or so, we can really see how our community is developing. We have had such a significant number of extraordinary programmes and events that it has really given us all quite a boost.
However, with all the positive growth not only in numbers of people, but also in numbers of programmes, active committees, the thriving Sisterhood, the Brotherhood and the popular young Couple’s Group there is a down side that must be kept in mind.
Many of our programs and events are truly compelling. They attract us to leave home, learn, enjoy ourselves and grow. Yet, as much as they are positive tools for growth, as I said, they do take us from home. That is, they present a problem of balance for us.
How do we continue to participate fully in an active community, handle what for many of us is a hectic and demanding work schedule and still have time for our most important assets- our family?
How do we walk that tightwire? We all know that falling through would be a disaster.
Without a question, we all make mistakes in this area. I am no exception. Having raised (or perhaps, am still raising four children) I know that even with all of our love, our efforts, our concern, we make mistakes. Small mistakes, big mistakes and those mistakes have ramifications that can haunt us and affect our family for the rest of our life.
We hear about such a concept as “quality time”. Making the most of the short amount of time we have with our children and spouse. Yet, as nice as that sounds, quality time is not the answer, the truth is we need to have “quantity time”.
We need to make sure to simply spend time with our families. As a counsellor and a rabbi, I have seen that if one does not spend quantity time with family in our homes, in a vacation, in a park or a night out- we will spend quantity time with them in principal’s offices, police stations, marriage counsellors or a court room.
Everyone needs attention. It can be in positive ways, like over a board game, learning together, spending a night out with our spouse, a ball game with our son or a shopping excursion with our daughter (or vice versa). If we give our family the proper attention, they respond.
But one thing is for sure, if we ignore or don’t give enough attention to our spouse and children in a positive way, they will force it in a negative way. Be it acting out, rebelling, fighting – trust me- no one wants to be ignored and the bottom line- negative attention is still attention.
It is a wonderful thing how our community can get together for all kinds of events and programs. I often tell people that if it were not for the cost, one would not really need to send invitations for any simcha, because the entire community is there for each one of us and is already happy for our simcha.
Yet, we cannot allow our personal desire for spiritual growth, our feeling of camaraderie and community to take us away from what it is all about – family.
Now don’t go around saying, the Rabbi wants us to cut back on coming to classes and programs, he is telling us not to attend this or that event. That is not the point.
Simply, we need to remind ourselves that Judaism is practiced in the home, with our family. That it is our job to honour our spouse. It is our responsibility to pass on Judaism to our children. It is in the home that this is done and we cannot allow ourselves to not balance our priorities correctly.
Proper balance in life is unquestionably very hard. Prioritizing our life is no less difficult. Yet, it is the key to actualizing the Torah we learn.
May we all be blessed with close, loving families, wonderful marriages and nachas from our children.
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